5 Tips to Find Calm in Big Life Changes

There’s the old saying: Change is the only constant and never has that been more true than the past few years! We’ve all been dealing with constant change on the personal, community, and worldwide level. Some of these changes have been small, but others are momentous and rare. This is a post about those less-frequent but very important life changes: having a baby, graduating from college, getting married, ending a relationship, quitting a job, etc.

In the US, there’s a sense that all big changes should be met with unadulterated joy, excitement, and bliss. But that’s not always the case. Have you ever: quit a toxic job, walked out of the building, sat in your car, and cried? You’re not alone!

When going through a big life change, it’s okay to hold space for the positive emotions (“woof, I’m so glad I don’t work there anymore!”) as well as the negative ones (“I’m really going to miss my coworkers”). Every thing has pros and cons, whether it’s a net positive or negative. So how do you navigate through big life changes without feeling like you’re losing your mind?

1. Try to stay in the moment: There’s no impatience quite like the impatience that comes before a big life change. The last few weeks before a baby is born, the week before the wedding, the countdown to your final clock out at your job… these times are all filled with anticipation, fear, relief, happiness, and just about every other emotion around. When you can, remind yourself to stay in the moment. The change will come and it will bring its own set of pros and cons, but try to stay present where you are for that last chunk of time. It can help to engage with some of the “pros” of your current situation: visit with your favorite coworkers on your lunch break, take a baby-free nap during the day, or go somewhere and spend some quiet time alone before the craziness of the wedding takes over.

2. Call in community: Find someone you can relate to and connect with them. It can be so helpful to have someone to talk to who is going through a similar big life change. Overwhelmed and not sure where to start? If you’re having a baby, try: Parenting and Mom groups. Starting college? Check out new student social events or join a social club on campus. Starting a new job? Reach out to a friend or acquaintance who works in that field. People love to share their experiences and expertise: so send those DMs! This person doesn’t have to be your BFF, but you can support each other during this time of change.

3. Be careful with social media: This advice applies all of the time, but especially during big life changes. Remember, social media is a tool for connecting, not comparing. If you just moved somewhere, it does not make sense to compare yourself to the person who has lived in that city for two years. Do not compare your Chapter One to somebody else’s Chapter 20. Save that energy and channel it into building your own relationships in this new phase of life.

4. Treat Yo'self: It never hurts to have a new outfit that makes you feel confident! This can look like everything from borrowing or trading outfits with a friend to thrifting (ThredUp, Poshmark, or Mercari all have awesome deals online) to, well, Sky’s the limit. This can look like: a first day of school or work outfit; super comfy shorts or a flowy dress that will fit your new mom lifestyle; or finding a new piece of outerwear that matches the climate of your new city. Honor where you’re at and mark this new time by incorporating a new addition to your wardrobe.

5. Don’t forget to breathe: When we’re nervous or anxious, we can lose our breath or stop breathing altogether. Change is exciting, scary, fun, and anxiety-filled, remember to breathe through the process. A great exercise to help you feel grounded during times of change is Legs Up the Wall. Find a blank wall and lie on the floor perpendicular to it. Scoot your bottom to the base of the wall and let your legs rest on the wall (in an L-Shape). Take 3-5 deep inhales and exhales in this pose. Or you can lie in this position and listen to a song or two, focusing on your breath and the music.

Big Life Changes have all of the emotions in them, but that doesn’t mean we have to pretend we’re 100% happy. It’s okay to be both blissful and sad at the same time. To quote Semisonic (and, well, Seneca): "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end". If any of these tips called out to you specifically, feel free to give them a try and let me know how it goes!

If you’re looking for more helpful tips, like making new friends, and want accountability in Self Care: check out Grounded Health’s 1-Day Wellness Retreat! It’s a retreat designed to help you heal from stress, build self love, and meet like minded people. It includes yoga, art making, hummus, and more! Check it out before 4/30 to get Early Bird Pricing. 🌸