Human Design Helped Me Embrace my Shadow

Have you heard of Human Design? I describe it as “astrology but more complicated” but the official definition is:

“Human Design is an incredibly specific way to learn more about your personality, emotions, and energy centers. More specifically, Human Design breaks down how you ‘are wired to make decisions, work within teams, parent, and partner’” -Allure Magazine

I doubt that clarified much, but basically you plug your date of birth and location into an online calculator and it gives you your “chart” which breaks down a lot of things in your life.

I found out about it through one of my mentors in 2020. She was talking about it a lot because it changed the way she saw herself and her role in the world. Just through classes and workshops with her, my interest was piqued.

Part of Human Design is that everyone is assigned a “type”. They are (roughly):

1. Manifestors: the initiators of the Human Design system. They’re powerful and independent. True thought leaders and movement founders.

2. Generators: tons of energy, go-getters. High level of activity.

3. Manifesting Generators: a combo of the previous two; jacks-of-all-trades. High energy helps them create what they want and they stick with it. Associated with growth, evolution, and progress.

4. Projectors: Direct others how to use energy, provide helpful advice.

5. Reflectors: Mirrors for people and society. 

(this is a very quick and dirty breakdown of what these mean in human design)

With this basic knowledge in hand, I loaded the webpage for the free online Find Your Human Design type. I was so excited to see how I was going to be a Manifestor or a Generator! Or, hey, a Manifesting Generator! Even better!

And then… I got PROJECTOR?!

I was like, wait what- I’m the quirky best friend role from every romcom ever?! I’m the supporting character?!

I was not thrilled with my results. Depressed, sure. Frustrated and annoyed? You bet. But most decidedly not thrilled.

And thus began my journey into embracing my very Projector-y projector-ness.

I came face to face with this phantom version of myself living in my head. Call it White Girl Syndrome, but I’d always pictured myself as the main character in the movie. (to be fair, this is my own head we’re talking about.)

I took this to mean that I wasn’t going to be the one completing The Actions, doing The Thing, saving The Day, and getting my name on The Building. 

I sat with this for a good while and then one day a thought snuck right on in:

Did I really want to be that person? Or had I inherited the belief that The Main Character was the only worthwhile character?

Hmmm… interesting. I went to the internet and looked up more about Projectors:

• Projectors have an exceptional ability to not only see others but tap into the person’s unique talents and reflect them back to them.

• They’re incredibly insightful and great at helping others navigate complex situations but they also need a lot of rest and recharge time.

• They get in trouble when they offer unsolicited advice but a consensual and equal relationship is golden.

• They are wonderful therapists, helpers, and guides. They thrive in entrepreneurship because they can set their own pace.

Okay, well… I did re-model my entire business so I could take more naps… I do love helping people navigate complex situations by using their own strengths… I have gotten into trouble in the past when offering my opinion when no one asked for it…

I started to wrap my head around this- maybe being a Projector wasn’t actually a bad thing.

I paused to imagine what my life would be like if I was The Main Character: constant travel, being in the spotlight, feeling pressure to produce, maintain, and innovate; constant meetings and events, always standing and being on the go.

And I felt a visceral “ewww”. That’s not for me.

I pictured what a Projector’s dream day might include: tons of down time to nap, daydream, read, dance, paint or explore. Deep diving into seemingly random topics and learning powerful life lessons along the way. Connecting deeply with people and then having tons of space to process and ponder.

Being part of the mission by consulting, advising, or guiding: making things run smoother and more joyfully without the added pressure of having your name on the building.

All of this sounded so correct. So wonderful. It felt like a nervous system exhale.

I backtracked and sat with this belief, this inherited belief, I had that The One Doing the Things was not only the most valuable one, but the only valuable one.

I realized my capitalism was showing. 

To recapitulate the belief that The Producer, the CEO, or the Boss was more important than The Sage, The Wise Woman, or the Coach was not only capitalism at its worst, it was also misogynistic.

Cognitively, I understood that elevating typically masculine* work (producing, selling, negotiating, etc.) and denigrating typically feminine work (caring, teaching, connecting) is misogynistic: it devalues the work of the feminine at great cost to society.

My own brain was doing this to me.

It was playing an old tape, one that said: softness, spaciousness, and presence were less important than producing, dominating, or leading.

I didn’t agree with this at all. 

I think a lot of what we’re dealing with today is the downstream effects of pushing the Capitalist button too much and the Feminine Wisdom button too little. Capitalist button says “accrue at all costs!”, while Feminine Wisdom button says “There’s enough for everybody if we work together.”

A very small step I could take here was to value my own contributions. To value the Wise Woman energy as much as the Go Getter energy.

To tolerate, then accept, and then love that part of me as much as the Part Who Gets Stuff Done.

I began to practice this, each and every day.

I was introduced to Human Design in 2020 and while I don’t really understand the system any further, I know this: I’m someone who sees things, who waits, who dilly dallies, naps, rests, and moves on their own timeline. 

You can drop me in any room unprepared (but well-rested, ideally) and I can pretty quickly read the room and get everyone where they need to go.

Is it because I’m a Projector? Who knows- but this system did help me face my own shadow and move past it. Seeing and appreciating my strengths as strengths has been a huge game changer. It’s like fertilizer for everything I do.

I encourage you to find your strengths:

Are they what you expected them to be? If not, why?

Just find them to start, you don’t have to appreciate or love them, now or ever.

What story comes with your strengths? Is it your story? Or someone else’s?

*I do not use these terms in a gendered way. The Feminine and the Masculine live within all of us.