If the Attachment Styles were Rom-Coms

You know when you read about something and then see it everywhere?* That’s been happening for me lately with Attachment Theory. I’ve been reading The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen and it’s brought attachment to the forefront (even more than it already was!).

Quick recap: what’s attachment theory? In short, John Bowlby’s theory is that our earliest interactions with our caregivers shape how we interact and develop relationships with others throughout our lives. It’s an incredibly powerful theory with decades of research supporting it.

With my Attachment-Theory-Lenses on, I’ve noticed how this theory plays out in pop culture, specifically in movies from the 1990s and early 00s.

Attachment theory delineates four different types of attachment. Annie Chen uses this quiz in her workbook if you are curious about what your style of attachment could be. Read on to learn more about the four styles are and how they’ve impacted leading ladies throughout the decades:

1. Anxious or Preoccupied style: this style of attachment refers to someone who constantly seeks approval from their partner. This person might view others in a positive light while having low self esteem. In short, Elle Woods in the first half of "Legally Blonde". Elle has put all of her emotional eggs in one basket: Warner. When he doesn’t reciprocate her feelings, she’s not only devastated, she drops everything to move across the country and try to conform into the woman she thinks he wants. If you’ve ever changed who you are for who you are with - you might have an anxious or preoccupied attachment. You're not alone because 20% of the population would be right there with you!

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2. Avoidant or dismissive style: someone with an avoidant attachment style is not interested in a romantic relationship. They can do well enough on their own, thankyouverymuch. Yes, the Lone Wolf, the perhaps too independent person- you are perfectly represented by Kat in “10 Things I Hate About You”. Kat is extremely self-reliant: she doesn’t need anyone and she knows it. She would rather walk across hot coals than let anyone in. If you’ve ever cut someone off and felt fine about it- you (and 25% of the population) could have an avoidant attachment style.

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3. Disorganized or fearful-avoidant: the rarest of the attachment styles (only 5% of the population clocks in as disorganized), this one is characterized by instability. Unlike someone with an avoidant attachment, you really want a relationship, but the fear of getting hurt might make you pull away. You strongly desire a relationship but also fear it (or fear the person themself). In 1997’s "Picture Perfect", Jennifer Aniston plays Kate, a successful but insecure ad woman who would do anything to get both her boss and her crush’s attention. Kate’s behavior is irrational, chaotic, and confusing at times. Sam, the object of her affection, mistreats her emotionally and physically. If you relate to Kate, you could have a disorganized attachment.

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4. Secure attachment: and finally, secure attachment. A whopping 50% of the population has a secure attachment: characterized by closeness, honest communication, and teamwork. A beautiful example of a secure attachment is Stella (Angela Bassett) and Delilah’s (Whoopi Goldberg's) friendship in "How Stella Got Her Groove Back". Remember: attachment doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships! In the movie, their friendship is supportive, caring, and open. They are able to communicate genuine fears to one another while also maintaining a strong, healthy bond. Delilah isn't possessive over Stella, instead she encourages her friend to grow because that's what's best for her. Secure attachments are based in the certainty that you have your person's back and they have yours. If this is not you, do not panic! You can gain a secure attachment style by working with a licensed mental health professional.

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And that's it for this installment of Pop Culture Psychology. As you're watching TV this week, pay extra close attention to the types of relationships you are watching. What kind of attachment style do you see represented? If you're curious to learn more about your own attachment style, check out Annie Chen's book or speak to a licensed mental health professional. Comment below if you notice any pop culture psychology references in the wild this week.

*this is called the Baader-Meinhoff Phenomenon or the Frequency Illusion.