In the summer of 2023, I was training for a sprint triathlon (I actually ended up not completing it, but that's a story for a different day!).
I was taking a running class with Peloton instructor Robin Arzon when she said something that almost stopped me in my tracks:
"Make waves, they'll learn to swim".
And a new mantra was born.
The finality and confidence of that statement spoke to me in a way others hadn't before.
It drove home the point that you can only control your actions, you can't control anyone's response.
People will react differently. Some folks will see your waves and play in them, laughing as they roll in the swells.
Others will see your waves and just keep on swimming- not bothered either way.
Some people will see your waves and realize- "oh shit! I need to learn to swim". Good for them- knowing how to swim is a valuable skill to have.
And some people will see your waves and tell you that you're too much, that these waves are too bothersome, and that you really should just stop, shouldn't you?
To which I say: then why are y'all at the beach?!
To engage with other human beings is inherently messy. Humans are not AI, they're not 2D Instagram models, or characters neatly written into a sitcom.
To be human and engage with other humans is like a day at the beach on a hot day in August:
Everyone is there together but not together
Each person has their own definition of what's fun to do at the beach (you'll never catch me playing beach volleyball but I'll sit and stare at the waves endlessly)
Not everyone is even there for the same reasons. Some people come for fun, some for relaxation, some for spiritual reasons, and some for work!
Each being creates their own waves in the water, their own shifts in the sand. The ocean is large enough to hold all of us and more.
Which makes more sense: to come to the beach that is life and make waves? or to come to the beach that is life and be upset that other people are making waves?
If you're surrounded by people who think you're "too much", you're not too much. Their ability to be in relationship with real human beings is too little.
And that's not a you problem. That's a them problem.
Because guess what? You can learn that! You can learn how to be in healthier relationships. There's no less than one gajillion books, workbooks, Youtube videos, TikToks, and therapists to help them with that.
And that's a pretty good skill to have: to know how to be in relationship with other humans. That's knowing how to swim. There's not a single part of their life that wouldn't get better with that skill: work, family, friendships, community, all of it.
So if you've followed this messy, abstract metaphor so far- I hope you'll take it to heart:
Make waves.
They'll learn to swim.
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