My Day at NOLA DomCon

This story starts almost exactly a year ago, sitting at home on a Saturday, mindlessly scrolling social media.

I saw someone post something at NOLA DomCon and I was like "wait, what?! I've never heard of this!"

Being the mom of two little kids, I don't have the "drop everything on a Saturday and take off for a full day convention" kinda lifestyle but I did mark my calendar for 2025.

So this year... I was ready!

First off? What is DomCon? It's a convention held over multiple days for anyone with an interest in Kink, BDSM, or Leather lifestyle. It's open from everyone regardless of gender identity and professional status: everyone is welcome from industry professionals to the Kink-Curious.

This was my first DomCon and it won't be my last!

my day pass for the con

I was very excited to go and learn from a variety of industry professionals, everyone from sex workers to authors to sex educators and everyone in between.

I started the day as great days always begin: delicious food and an iced coffee:

I wanted a good tank of fuel to take on the day. I'm not going to lie, I was a little nervous:

What if I was the only novice there?

Would people think I was a fraud for being a sex therapist without an in-depth knowledge of every fetish known to mankind?!

What if I looked stupid in jeans and a tank top while everyone else wore something custom and fabulous?!

What if this whole thing was a waste of time?

But let's be honest, the ticket wasn't that expensive (the day pass for Friday with fees and everything ended up being around $35). So I figured, what's the worst that could happen? I go for an hour, it's a bust, and I go home?

So off I marched to the Crowne Plaza on Canal street.

Check-in was seamless and we (a couple of friends came with me) had time to meander around the vendor section until our workshop started at 11:30.

I bought this zine written by sex workers from The Ishtar Collective: a Northeast-based advocacy group for sex workers.

Then we got into a really extended conversation with Erotica author B.J. Frazier.

I ended up buying a few of her books and she was kind enough to sign them for me.

I haven't had a chance to read them yet but I did purchase one that is inspired by those Made for TV Christmas movies.

Frazier told us that she loves those movies but hates how the sex scenes always "fade to black" so she wrote books that don't. Definitely excited to add these to the bookshelf!

We made our way over to the first workshop which was about Pet Play 101 from The Commandant.

She was an incredible presenter (I mean, I'd expect nothing less from a professional Top- talk about commanding a room!).

She went into the history of pet play (it's been documented since the 1930's) and then gave an overview of the different kinds of pets that are most common in the pet play community.

I learned so much from her on the care and consideration that goes into the power exchange of pet play. Bonus points for the live demonstrations that perfectly exemplified the care and communication that's so important in these relationships.

The next workshop I went to was on impact play and it was hosted by The Kink Collective. They were such an extremely knowledgeable group of folks and they were very honest about things:

1. People who engage in BDSM do die. It is not an inherently safe activity.

2. Here are the foundational guidelines to start from to make things as safe as possible.

They emphasized the negotiation process that happens before scenes very heavily and gave us these dope cards with an acronym to remember.

never forget to MITPISA!

To be honest, as a sex therapist, this is something I wish everyone did all of the time, regardless of the kind of sexual contact they were having.

The Kink Collective said it best: it's far better to over-communicate than under-communicate. And that is ABSOLUTELY something I stand by.

It was really evident throughout the day that this is a community that overwhelmingly prioritizes consent and communication. Of course there are people in any community who are going to f*ck this up, but I've never heard people at a con be so considerate.

Everytime I was at a vendor booth, someone would walk up to the booth, look the vendor in the eye and ask: "Is it okay if I touch the samples?". It was such beautiful communication, modeling, and respect.

There was no sense of entitlement, no sense of "I am owed that sample because you're a vendor and it's for sale". And I think that perfectly encapsulates the vibe of everyone there.

But back to The Kink Collective's presentation on impact play: it was great! They broke down basic anatomy and brought in a sample of canes, floggers, and paddles.

Fun fact: they recommend trying any toys on your inner forearm and NOT your hand. They explained that there are tons of tiny bones in the hand and you don't want to break them. (Even though I think the majority of people are going to pick up a cane and give their hand a quick THWACK!)

This was also really interesting to me as a somatic therapist because I could start to see how the sensory input was different. I did NOT like the canes, too stingy. But I didn't mind the paddles, way more thumpy.

There are times when our Nervous Systems need or desire a certain sensory input and there doesn't particularly have to be a "reason". While I personally don't prefer "stingy", there's tons of folks out there for whom that is the missing piece.

But anyway- the wheels were turning on sensory input, communication, and relational safety while I was sitting in this workshop. I'm sure lots more to come on that!

At this point your girl needed more food so we took a lunch break to refuel. I also didn't want to shop on an empty stomach because that always ends with far too much money spent.

I re-fueled (hey, the A from the MITPISA card- have you eaten?) and did a bit more shopping and dropped into half of two more workshops before I had to head out for the day.

I caught the second half of "Sensory Play" which explored different sensory inputs folks might need and how to meet them. It was interesting to hear how some people need/desire* overstimulation.

I am a neuro-spicy person so it literally never occurred to me that some folks' nervous system might actually crave overstimulation.

I feel as if I'm in a daily battle against over-stimulation but that opened my mind to the idea that there are folks out there who might need, want, and desire overstimulation (i.e. super bright lights, etc.)

Then I caught the first half of Role Play & Storytelling which was led by a Los Angeles-based Mistress. She shared different scenes she'd been part of in her long career and gave some of the best advice:

"Role playing is awkward at first but you just have to keep going".

I think that's good advice for anything new. Yeah, it's going to be awkward at first. But awkward doesn't necessarily mean "quit" if it's something you ultimately want.

Overall, I'm so glad I went and I feel like I learned so much.

I wish I could've done more than one day but honestly, I'll be processing all of the new information for a minute here.

The presenters were fantastic, all so knowledgeable, personable, open, and non-judgmental.

The people who went were laidback people. There was such a diversity of body types, races, ages, gender presentations, and styles.

My fears that everyone would look like Dita von Teese in custom leather couture were completely false.

Some folks were rocking their kink looks but at least half (if not more) of the people were just in casual clothing that represented their gender expression.

This blog post was just to give a rundown of what the day looked like, but I'll be exploring concepts I learned in a more abstract way in the weeks to come.

All in all, I'm so glad I went! I'll definitely be back next year, jeans and all.

*I'm separating these out because while often the same, they aren't always. And they're both valid. I can need a blanket because I'm physiologically cold or I can be warm but desire a blanket because I want the sensory input of the blanket. Both are valid and worthy of bein fulfilled.