Waiting for Godot: Why I Don’t Believe in Motivation

Let me rephrase: I don’t believe in consistent motivation. There’s a cultural sense that we should be motivated all of the time: we should #hustle, maximize our time, biohack our bodies, and really live each and every moment to the fullest. Phew, that was exhausting just to write!

How many days could you consistently motivate yourself to go 100% before burning out? Probably not many.

Here’s a common example of how this plays out:

1. “I want to work out more/start meditating/learn a new language/keep my house clean!”

2. Surge of motivation: really aggressively go after goal for 2-7 days.

3. “F&*k this”: life happens: we get sick or it’s too exhausting to keep up with the new changes or it’s the weekend or we “take a break”.

4. “I don’t feel motivated to work on this anymore”: our motivation drops, we wait around for it to return.

5. Time passes (weeks, months, a year) and then we find the motivation again. Repeat.

If you’re waiting for motivation, you could be waiting a long time.

Change is hard and change is scary: even if it’s something you want. Humans like consistency and we crave the familiar.

The best way to make consistent change is to change your habits, not your motivation.

I’ve seen this as both a therapist and as a personal trainer: the people who are most successful at making long-term, consistent positive changes in their life change their habits slowly and steadily. This produces less of a high than an abrupt surge of motivation but is more sustainable long-term. This can look like many things but rarely does it look like a massive life overhaul. Here are some examples of how to change your habits in a helpful way using the ideas above:

1. “I want to work out more”: Sit down with your calendar for the week. Look at what your life actually looks like, not what it looks like in “Perfect World Land”. Schedule your workouts to the minute and put the location: start with 1-2 workouts/week. Treat your workouts like you would a doctor’s appointment: if you are scheduled to do an online yoga class in your living room from 7-7:20 pm, honor that commitment.

2. “I want to start meditating”: Start with 1 minute of meditation twice a week. Make it automatic: i.e., when you get in bed at night, put your phone away and meditate lying down in bed for one minute. Meditation can be as simple as counting your breaths, you can follow a Youtube video, or you can use an app like Headspace (paid) or Insight Timer (free).

3. “I want to learn a new language”: Try “Habit Stacking”: add this habit onto one you already have. A great example of this would be right after you finish a meal: every day after you finish lunch, hop onto Duolingo for a 10 minute language lesson.

4. “I want to keep my house clean”: Habit Stacking works here too: as soon as you finish the dishes: wipe down the kitchen counters. You can also pick a day of the week and set aside 15 minutes to straighten up, such as: “Wednesday night from 6:30-6:45 I will straighten up the house, wipe down surfaces, and put away laundry”. Make it a non-negotiable habit that is part of your life.

These strategies work regardless of goal, for instance you can schedule two dates a month if you want to find a relationship or you can habit stack a financial goal (“Right after I pay my credit card bill this month, I will immediately put $20 in savings”). The idea is to not over-complicate things and get lost in the nitty-gritty.

Breaking out of our normal routines can be difficult but it doesn’t have to feel impossible! If you want to learn more about habits, check out the book “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. Don’t wait on motivation to show up, she’s fickle at best! Build small, sustainable changes into your life and see the changes add up.

Do you have a goal to workout more? Make new friends? Practice mindfulness? Learn a new creative skill? If you need extra accountability in reaching those goals, check out Self Love Club! It’s a one-day wellness retreat that includes yoga, mindfulness, food from Saba, art, special gifts, surprise guest speakers, and so much more!