Let’s Talk About…Monica’s Mom on The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

If you’re a Bravo stan, then you’ve probably come into contact with the Real Housewives franchise at least once. 

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City (RHSLC) is one of the newer groups to hit the air. This season is very interesting and there’s one thing in particular I want to discuss.

This season brings a new housewife. Monica Garcia. One of her big storylines this season has been her relationship with her mom. 

It didn’t take long to see what others can’t seem to see: her mom is a classic emotionally immature parent. I might even go so far as to say she shows traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 

The traits are all there, her mom (Linda) does the following: 

• cycles love bombing with periods of abandonment (abandonment like leaving her teenage daughter with strangers in another state)

• plays the victim when asked to take accountability for her behavior (Linda’s reaction to Monica setting a boundary at the Greek Easter lunch)

• uses tactics of power to control her daughter’s behavior (taking Monica’s car during an argument).

Linda portrays a lot of the classic behaviors of Emotionally Immature Parents. We see her mom gaslight her on the show- it can start to make the child feel crazy, like they can’t figure out what’s real or not. 

Watching Monica react to her mom’s behavior looks so familiar to me as a therapist. Monica’s hurt, pain, and anger at her mom are so valid when taken under the context of someone who has dealt with this abuse her entire life.

Society tends to uphold the abuser and demand respect for them, due to the abuser’s perceived authority. You can see this at Greek Easter when Housewife Lisa Barlow takes Linda’s side. Old-school, traditional thought systems around families (“Children are meant to be seen and not heard”, “Parents are the authority and command respect”) tend to uphold abuse without acknowledging that not all parents have earned respect and trust. Trust in families is a two-way street: kids and parents have to earn each other’s trust.

Watching Monica shrink back into Little Monica mode is heartbreaking but completely understandable. 

She’s probably spent her whole life being dismissed as “dramatic”. Emotionally immature or Narcissitic parents can be extremely charming and are able to bring people over to “their side”. Classic reactions for adult children of emotionally immature parents are to either act out or shut down, and you see Monica cycle between those at the Pioneer Woman lunch. Castmate Heather Gay even comments on this when she says she “never knows what to expect” with Monica.

This cycling between anxious/aggressive/angry/heightened and shut down/frozen/withdrawn/depressed is a common trauma response. It’s something I work on with my 1-1 clients as well as in groups. My blend of top-down (talk therapy) and bottom up (somatic work) approaches can be a wonderful tool for healing from childhood trauma such as an emotionally immature or narcissistic parent.

Reach out today if you are interested in learning more.