The One About Polyvagal Theory

In this week’s episode of the blog: Polyvagal Theory and how the TV show Friends can help us learn what it is and how to recognize it.

But first, a little background:

Polyvagal Theory was conceptualized in the early 1990’s by Stephen Porges, a neuroscience researcher at Indiana University. He was looking for a way to describe how the vagus nerve suggested a link between our nervous systems and our social behavior and problems.

He referred to the branches of the “Autonomic Nervous System”- our brain and nerves that react without thought to perceptions of danger.

The classic example of this is the tiger. Our nervous systems developed the ability to quickly respond to threats such as a tiger in the wild: we could outrun the tiger, fight the tiger, or freeze to effectively hide. This has become “fight, flight, or freeze”* in colloquial terms.

You’ll hear people talk about this today because our brains will react to modern-day stressors the same. An email from our boss will send us into an anxiety spiral; a passive-aggressive text from a parent will have us shutdown, staring at the wall for two hours. It’s the same neural pathway, but with new threats.

Porges and other Polyvagal researchers utilized this theory to develop treatments for trauma that focus on the often unconscious, debilitating symptoms (depression, anxiety, flashbacks, stomach problems, chronic pain, etc.)

But what does this have to do with the 90’s sitcom Friends you may ask?

I will use famous episodes of this show to explain more about what Polyvagal Theory entails! This is a practice in simplification, and some might say oversimplification, but hopefully it would be a helpful tool to make sense of this powerful theory.

The ventral vagal state: a calm and connected state of being, supports positive relationships, the “optimal zone”, a place where we can name and communicate our feelings without feeling overwhelmed by them

Friends episode: The One with the Fake Party

In this episode of Friends, Phoebe is pregnant with the twins and has a serious craving for meat despite being a vegetarian. Joey offers to give up meat so that Phoebe can eat as much as she wants during the course of her pregnancy without guilt.

This scenario is such a great example of the ventral vagal state because:

1. It shows how close and meaningful their friendship is

2. Joey makes a conscious decision to help his friend in her time of need

3. Phoebe is able to communicate her needs and struggles
   

They’re operating out of a place of curiosity and support that only strengthens their friendship further.

The Sympathetic state: includes the “fight or flight” response, anxiety, irritability or anger outbursts, racing thoughts, fast heart rate, trouble sleeping

Friends episode: The One after the Super Bowl, Part 2

Who can forget this iconic fight between Rachel and Monica? It includes a marinara-soaked purse, an unraveled sweater, and Phoebe literally separating the women by the ears. The origin of the fight is none other than 90’s heart throb: Jean-Claude Van Damme. In this episode, Monica and Rachel are fighting over who gets to romantically pursue Van Damme.

This fight is an example of the Sympathetic state because:

1. The two women are literally fighting each other

2. They each perceive a threat: be it to a “resource” (a celebrity) or self-esteem (all kinds of feelings of self-worth get wrapped up in romantic pursuits)

3. What starts as irritability or resentment escalates into full blown aggression, as the Sympathetic state tends to do
   

Phoebe stepping in to end the fight is what ultimately helps the women reset back to the ventral vagal state and find a healthy resolution: they agree that no man is worth losing their friendship over.

The Dorsal vagal state: includes the “freeze” response; dissociation, depression, numbness; exhaustion, fatigue; the feeling of “shutting down”; feelings of hopelessness

Friends episode: the season 4 arc with Chandler and Kathy: roughly The One with Joey’s New Girlfriend

When I think “Dorsal vagal”, I think Chandler Bing. There are plenty of scenes throughout the series that involve Chandler sitting and staring longingly into the distance. The arc with Joey’s new girlfriend, Kathy, has some key examples. 

Chandler sitting in a pool chair and wistfully longing for Kathy. After their eventual breakup, when he’s in “Phase 1”: the sweatpants phase.

Chandler Bing is an example of the Dorsal Vagal because:

1. He’ll spend hours sitting in a chair, seemingly immobile

2. Many times this is a reaction to the loss of a relationship: either a breakup or when Joey moves out

3. Could he be any more depressed?
   

Eventually, Chandler is able to get up and moving, usually with some help from his friends (ugh, had to!).

Now that we’ve used Friends to help us understand the basics of Polyvagal theory, you’re probably wondering: how do I implement it?

If you’re feeling stuck in the Sympathetic or Dorsal Vagal states, here are some ways to return to center:

1. Deep breathing: feeling Sympathetic? Focus on the exhale. Feeling Dorsal Vagal? Focus on the inhale.

2. Mindfulness meditation: there are loads of app and videos to help you achieve this: Youtube and Insight Timer have free options, Calm and Headspace are paid options.

3. QT with your friends: social connection has been shown to stimulate the vagus nerve: try texting or calling a friend or even signing up for a book club or DND group.

4. Physical activity: regular movement can help your body find balance; exercise is a helpful shift into these systems, so it can help rewire our nervous system. A regular movement practice, whatever that looks like for you, can help you find center.

5. Yoga: yoga has so many benefits- thus its popularity for over 5,000 years. On top of increasing strength, mobility, and sometimes cardio capacity (has anyone ever been in a yoga class with a million sun salutations?), yoga helps us connect to our breath, build interoception (the ability to be aware of our internal states) and proprioception (the awareness of our body in space)**. The Polyvagal Institute especially recommends downward dog and bridge pose to help you find your Ventral Vagal state.
   

I hope this breakdown of Polyvagal Theory made things feel clearer! In some ways, parts of the theory have become so popular that we are familiar with them; but in other ways, this theory can be overwhelming (particularly the language used).

In a world that doesn’t like to acknowledge that we have bodies (let alone, that we have autonomy over those bodies), this theory can be a brand new way of thinking.

Hopefully applying the theory to beloved mega-hit Friends can help us identify the ventral vagal state (Joey & Phoebe), the Sympathetic state (Monica & Rachel & Jean-Claude Van Damme), and the dorsal vagal state (Chandler Bing, period).

Somatic Healing sessions at Grounded Health incorporate Polyvagal theory, Attachment theory, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy (coming soon!), and Somatic Experiencing (coming soon!) practices. Stay tuned to learn more about these wonderful somatic practices and how they can help you heal from trauma, find joyful connection, and build the life you want.

Much of this information adapted from: polyvagalinstitute.org

*Now reconceptualized as “fight, flight, freeze, and fawn” but more on that later!

**While this is baked into yoga practices, I believe these practices can happen in any form of movement. I use these principles when I’m teaching dance or strength training as well.